Dear Kristine, These are my high school memories...

Fortunately for you, I still hang out with my high school friends so I remember almost all of my adventures without having to go back to my journal. In keeping with my theme of falling, I'm going to add a little bit of excitement by informing you that I once had really long hair, even WITH it being curly. Unfortunately, I used to put it all in a ponytail on top of my head that prompted my mom to start calling me "Sideshow Bob." (Actually she never could remember his name so she just kept calling me "that one guy from the Simpsons.")

Sadie Hawkins, Senior year. We have just finished doing a service scavenger hunt and leaving from breakfast at a park. As we're walking to the car we have to go through a break in the fence which is strategically placed below a low-hanging tree. As the rest of my group ducks below the tree and safely exits the park, I duck below the tree, make it halfway through the opening and suddenly have my head swung backward along with the rest of my body. When I finally realize what has happened, I discover that I'm hanging from the low-hanging tree like a Christmas ornament. Laughter ensues.

Senior Breakout, Taylorsville High School. Same hairstyle. My friend, Lori, asks me to do something to keep her boyfriend awake sometime around 3 o'clock in the morning. Being the athletic vixen that I am (not), I promptly challenge this wrestling star to the bungee run. If you do not know what the bungee run is, allow me to explain. Notice the picture below.

That is a bungee run. A bungee is attached to yours and your opponents backside and you are given a beanbag with velcro on it. On the mark, get set, Go! You run as far as you can and see who places their bean bag farthest on the velcro strip in the middle before being snapped back by the bungee. If it helps you to visualize, I was on the left hand side. Before the race had begun, I heard someone mention that if you jump forward at the last second you can get your beanbag a little farther. Brilliant, right? We raced, I jumped forward and placed my beanbag on the velcro strip and am promptly snapped backwards by the bungee...only it didn't snap me back very far and when I fell backward, my Sideshow Bob Ponytail wrapped itself around the still taught bungee so that everytime I attempt to sit up, it pulls my hair. I lie there yelling (and laughing), "Help Me!" but no one can hear me except for Brennan (my opponent) who is trying to reach over and help but everytime he does, his bungee snaps him back and he has to start over. LoL. Rinse and repeat about three times. I was eventually saved, in case you were worried.

Last one. Sweetheart's Dance. 2002. Much to my sorpresa, my best friend Robbie Scharman (pronounced like the toilet paper) did not get asked to the dance. Despite my protests against a formal dance where the girl has to ask and pay ON TOP of getting a dress, I asked him to go with me. (Sidenote, I could do a an entire book alone on funny/weird/awkward things that have happened and still happen to Robbie and me). I went to pick him up and his mom insisted we take pictures and midway between photo shoot she asks me "Do you wear thongs in winter?" I replied, "Yes?" and to this day pray that she was talking about flip-flops. At the dance, neither Robbie or I were fans of slow-dancing so during the slow songs we would sit at the tables and read fortune cookies to each other. He read one that said, "You are filled with charm and patience." Which I thought he said, "You are filled with Scharman patience" and was awestruck that his name was in a fortune cookie. This misunderstanding led to a really funny inside joke about toilet paper for people who are constipated. THE REAL PART of the story that I wanted to share with you follows. THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. You can ask anyone who was there. Robbie and I are out on the dance floor when the opening notes to "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor comes on and Robbie and I both shout, "I love this song!" I start lip-synching the opening lines and on the part where it says, "I could never live without you by my side," I point to Robbie who, in turn, looks around, points to himself and mouths, "Me?" and I proceed to come at him accusingly to the following lines, "But then I spent so many nights just thinking how you did me wrong/and I grew strong/ and I learned how to get along" while he backed away slowly to my advances. Then on the part where the music picks up right at "Now you see me" I pointed to Robbie again at which point he starts dancing to the music and following me as I walk away to "somebody new" and a back and forth dance moment straight out of a musical proceeded to take place for the rest of the song while the rest of the students in the auditorium stopped and watched us in awe and wonder. It totally looked coreographed (think "You're the One That I Want" from Grease). And that was how I became famous.

In conclusion, I've lived a good life. Now, Kristine, how would you like to become famous?

Dear Kristine,

Hahahahahaha!! You want a blog about my embarrassing moments, huh? Sadly enough, there are way way way more than I really care to remember. I'm sure you know about the Lion Tamer episode, which I will only tell the first part and then Kristen can fill you in on the second part if you don't know it. So, one day during my first transfer, my trainer decided that we didn't need the 3-5pm break because we had too much to do in town. I, as a greenie, was crushed but obedient seeing as I could not go home by myself. (That part is only an explanation to the second part of the story if it gets told). Well, in my weakened state of mind, we went to our next appointment that we got off street contacting in an alley. The person we had talked to wasn't home and Kri..., I mean, Sister Sheffield was talking to one of his roommates and inviting him to church when he said he had to work on Sunday. She asked him where he worked and after hearing it, I replied, "You're a lion tamer?!?" (in my usual excited tone) and after weird looks from both of them Sister Sheffield corrects me. "LANDSCAPER." Much laughter ensued...leading to the second part of the story to be told by someone else.

Pre-mission, I have a lot of falling moments. Once, I was walking down a street in Washington D.C. with my friends and it was raining on the smooth smooth D.C. sidewalks in my tractionless flip-flops and flip-flopped myself to the ground in front of a line of people waiting for the bus. I started laughing hysterically, they did not. Awk-ward! Another time, my ex-boyfriend and I went on a date to my grandparent's house. It was winter, there was some ice, but not all over the place. As we were leaving I had to close the garage door and step over the motion sensor. Well, I was being cute and decided to leap over the motion sensor in grand affair, where I promptly slipped on the ice and slid across on my back right into the front bumper of my car. The last one I will share involved the same ex-boyfriend (who liked to say I was always falling for him) and the same tractionless flip-flops as I've already mentioned. I had gone to an Institute dance with just a few minutes left to meet up with my friends, and even in the few minutes I was there, I was having an awful time. After the dance everyone was walking outside and across the lawn I saw my boy and excitedly ran over the newly watered lawn to give him a hug but right before I got to him, I slipped and slid (baseball style) between his legs. So there I am, on the ground laughing with my boyfriend standing over me attempting to help me up and finally just crossing his arms and waiting for me to finish while everyone walks past and stares at us.

There's also a fun one about slipping in sour cream at Albertson's, but that's one's better in person.

I recently heard a quote that really made me think about how my mind works in tune with the spirit. It's simple, "If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe they're supposed to be there." It affected me in a really powerful way seeing as that usually means that the spirit is directing me to someone who needs me, but so often I brush it aside because I'm so busy. No excusas, verdad? How about you? What are some powerful words you've heard lately?

Well, until next time I can't get you out of my head, (which is always) I wish you the best. And congrats on the new house!! I can't wait to see it.

Dear Kristine II,

YAY!! I am so excited that you have returned to blogdom!! My mental vibes and online proddings have worked at last. I'm sure the fidelitous old abuelitas are also excited for you to return. (Side note, I'm pretty sure I just made up the word fidelitous and Fidelitous Old Abuelitas would be a really cool name for our Mariachi band). Onward and upward, as I always say...or never say...or I guess I could start saying in the near future.

Which brings me to today's question, what are your six pull-string phrases? I may have asked this before, but it's always interesting to hear the answers. Just list the six phrases or words that EVERYONE could possibly associate with you because you use them in almost EVERY conversation. I don't think I could think of six of them for you, but I can try to share mine.

1. That's a medical problem. You should probably get that checked.
2. How did that go again?
3. That's random.
4. Check.
5. And THAT's why you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend!
6. Sweet action.

On a related note, I just went through some of my text messages to identify some of these and there's some random quotes from my everyday life I would like to share, too.

• The guy was killed by a tortoise?
• Do it for me. Be an example of persistance and dedication and non-procrastination. Restore my faith that ours is not a generation of slackers.
• 1 bunny laying eggs, 2 bunnies laying eggs...
• Vinegar+eggshells=cosmic battle
• I swore I texted you 3 to 4 times last night, but I realized I only dreamed the texts.
• I'm totally disappoint that the ninja lost. :(
• You're not supposed to LEARN stuff! You're supposed to chalk it up to insanity and pray for my misguided soul.
• It happens when one starts descending into delusion. Weird feelings, hallucinatory smells...
• Fabiola Gordon has a nice ring to it...
• Still ominizing?
• Anything with a coin slot. Next villian, my piggy bank.
• Bubbles, Buttercup, and Blossom
• And today's word is miasma.
• I am a self-proclaimed photo snob.
• I dreamed last night I was pregnant with twins that I was going to name Hibachi and Kentucky.
• You've got a facemask. You'll be okay.

LoL. Man, my life is interesting. ANYWAY, I got to go to some super fun meetings, now. I wish you all the best on your blogging endeavors and maybe we'll see each other in real life soon.

Loves,

Ashley

Dear Kristine,

I am saddened that you do not write funny quips and stories on your blog anymore since you seem to think your funny bone is broken (although it is NOT) so I thought I'd give you something to respond to. This blog entry is just for you (and the other three people that read my blog can share in the fun).

I recently read the book The Five Love Languanges and let me tell you, I am a FANTASTIC lover...in that I know how to speak all five. It's quite interesting. The proposal is that there are 5 ways in which people communicate or understand love: Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, and Recieving Gifts. My first language is Quality Time, which is easily detected in the fact that I will take the most random road trips to see the people I love (including you!) Of course, it can't be just time together, it has to be UNDIVIDED ATTENTION. I'm an attention whore. I know it, you know it. Let's move on. Which do you think is YOUR love language? And chocolate doesn't count. Unless it's in soap form.

I was just thinking about a couple of years ago when we went to San Diego with Kristen to Wendy's wedding. That was so much fun! I still love the swimming suit I ended up getting at Target. And you being typical Kristine were wanting a swimming suit that was functional for swimming laps instead of just being cute. Silly girl. Always wanting to be practical. That was good times in SoCal. And remember getting lost and somehow repeatedly ending up where we had started? LoL. Who needs GPS when you can play Automobile Hide-and-Go-Seek with yourself?

Ah, I should probably get back to, ya know, work or something like that. It's actually been pretty busy the last couple of weeks and just now is starting to slow down. We should get together and do something soon. In the meantime, if you need a laugh, go to Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About. It makes me so excited to start blogging about stuff Nate and I will argue about after we get married.

Ta-ta for now!

Ashley

P.S. If you would like to read Kristine's response, click here.